Saturday, June 2, 2007

Local Weirdness


Apparently one of the local legalized loan sharks was the target of an attempted robbery with an assault club (aka baseball bat). The robber was truly fearsome:

Investigator Steve Klemas said the suspect is about 5' 7" and has short brown hair and was wearing dark clothing. The victim described her as being pear shaped.

That description helps, as it leaves only 50% of the local female population as suspects. However, there's additional information that narrows it down more:

Police say the suspect tried to hit the store clerk with a baseball bat, but the clerk grabbed it and hit the robber instead, leaving a gash on the top left side of her head.

She also might have a bruise on her head.

Jeez, "might"? Huge ass hematoma, more likely.

As always, Officer Portly was interviewed on the evening news to dispense sage advice to the hoi polloi:

Sargent Logan Wernet says store clerks aren't usually advised to fight back, but there's always exeptions.


Extra points to those who can find the spelling and punctuation errors by the professional journalist.

Given the physical description, the desperation for money obtained with little effort, and an inability/refusal to use firearms, I've managed to create a computer generated image that's likely to look like the perpetrator.

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