Thursday, August 30, 2007

Why I Love Elderly Patients


There's nothing quite as endearing as a five foot, five inch man in his eighties. Especially when he sweet talks the staff with the following:

"You're a dirty fucking jew!" to Senior Female Technologist.

"I'll kick your ass!" to Large Breasted Nurse.

"I'll get both my nephews to kick all your asses!" to the same nurse, who wanted to know, "Do your nephews beat up women often?", with response of "You're not a woman, you're a half-man". Not the top half, I'm sure of that.

"Help, I'm being kidnapped!" to various people in the hallway.

"I'll sue all of you, and you won't get a damn penny from your soybeans!" to Fed Up Male Nurse on the floor.

I received some especially charming words after pinning his bony butt to the guerney after his attempt to punch Large Breasted Nurse. He was mad that she wouldn't stand still long enough for him to connect with his foot to her head. Thus, the staff received a display of rapid geriatric roping courtesy of me. And that was the high point of the day.

No comments: