Friday, June 27, 2008
Some Animals Are More Equal Than Others
Specialist MM is manning the desk of the medical clinic, filling in for the duty medics while they take their break from weekend duty. All is quiet & dull, exact as Specialist MM prefers. Suddenly, the duty phone rings:
SMM: Troop Medical Clinic, Specialist MM, How may I help you?
Agitated anonymous caller: Were you there when Colonel X came in?
SMM: No Sir, I came on duty at 1600, and no officers have come into the clinic while I've been on duty.
AAC: Well find out who was!
Realization that Dr/Col. Shoot From The Lip is the agitated individual on the other end of the line dawns, based on familiar annoying tone of demands.
SMM: Sir, the duty medics are on their break and out of the clinic. I can't find out right now, I'm the only medic in the clinic.
SFL: I don't care! Find out! Col. X came into the clinic for a Type I tummy pill, and the medic only gave him one!
SMM: Yes sir, that is the clinic policy (formulated by the Officer In Charge of the clinic, who, wonder of wonders, is also a physician) for the Type I tummy pill.
SFL: That's a stupid policy! You guys need to start thinking down there! The Colonel is very upset!
SMM: Yes sir.
SFL: And find out who is responsible! (abruptly hangs up).
SMM sits a moment to allow his blood pressure to drop back down to levels that will not induce brain aneurysms, while reflecting how the army would greatly benefit from making medical officers serve at least four years as an infantry officer before being allowed to attend medical school on the governments dime, where they would hopefully learn something about the concepts of personal leadership, integrity, and respect/concern for those under your command, rather than hustling for promotion points while perfecting an airtight liplock on a superior's ass.
Some poor medic is going to get his or her ass reamed because they followed a policy set up by the officers. The officers just didn't bother to explain that the policy only applies to people who aren't officers. Then again, if we were smart enough to know that on our own, we probably wouldn't be enlisted.