Friday, July 31, 2009

Idiots - Vital to the Economic Recovery

Ho. Lee. Shit.

This stuff is being shilled on TV now. "Lithograph". Isn't that fancy-speak for "poster"?

I predict the market demographic buying this crap will be the same one that bought the really nifty Obama coins that were stickers on quarters. Enjoy your investment, wackos. And don't forget to start saving up for the memorial plates that should be shipping in "limited" tons from China soon.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Beer Summit?

I'm formally sick of hearing about the President and prof. Gates getting together to have a beer and clear up this "misunderstanding". Bullshit. The only misunderstanding was Gates' concept that his color grants him special privileges to verbally abuse cops for doing their job. I'd be damn happy to have our local police check on my place if someone reports a middle-aged man crawling through the basement window of my house (which immediately preceded the new family policy of always leaving a key outside the house. Crawling through decades of cobwebs is gross, and the five foot drop to a concrete floor is no picnic either).

But there's definitely racism involved here. It's evident that white cops who don't know their place (e.g., uppity) are to be smacked down. And it was certainly a pleasure watching our first post-racial president shoot his mouth off about something he hasn't bothered to research. But then, at least he's consistent. I'm surprised President O is letting Officer Crowley in the White House; he'll probably try to steal the silver and ogle Michelle.

Good luck, officer, and enjoy your Arugula Pale Ale.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

No! Bad Patient!

If you have a pacemaker, and the battery is almost expired, perhaps you should take advantage of the offer to be the first patient of the day. Especially as you've been retired for decades now, and have more free time than some of our other patients. But, if you must delay your procedure, it would be really, really nice if you would follow the nurse's instructions and NOT eat a bowl of ice cream several hours before your procedure. We don't do that because we think it's fun to make people hungry and dizzy; we do it because aspirating vomit into your lungs tends to compromise your ability to breath, which somewhat complicates the procedure. As we explained it to you several times before, please excuse us for not giving in to your expectation to be heavily sedated when you passed into the room.

Eventually, we managed to get started. Only to find out your leads also need to be replaced, in addition to your pacer. No big thing, that happens a lot. Thing wear out, we fix them. That's why we told you that this could happen. And sometimes we find out that other things have changed since you had your device installed many years ago. Like that your heart has an unpleasant tendency to drop into asystole without a pacer. So, it's certainly a good thing you have a pacemaker. And it's a good thing we replaced that poorly functioning lead that lets it stimulate your heart. What would be extra nice, would be if you would not do those things I just finished telling you to no do that could pull that new lead out of position, leaving your heart to its own, probably fatal, rhythm.

Last, I'm sorry you're upset I ruined your plans for the evening by telling you that you will be spending the night here. As both the doctor and I explained what could happen if your lead is dislodged, we thought it reasonably clear that being in a cardiac care facility is a good thing if you're heart stops. Stupid us. You've obviously seen through our charade, and into our master plan to rob you blind through forcing the government to use your tax dollars to make Medicare pay for your procedure.
Still, best of luck. I'd rather see you in another ten years to replace your expended battery, but somehow I won't be surprised if it's sooner.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Common Sense, Ain't.......

If you have a gastric feeding tube put in, it would a really, really good idea to change it before it starts turning black and crusty from eighteen months of continuous use. And yes, your doctor really should have told you they need to be changed every 4-6 months, but....if you're going to have something hanging out of your body that's not original equipment, for the rest of your life, don't you think it might be a good idea to ask some questions about it?

Sunday, July 26, 2009


The canning experiment is completed. Among the things I learned:

Lay everything out before heating stuff up; having everything done and no lids sucks.

Canning uses a lot of water, and lots of water takes a long time to heat up.

Water heats up faster if you use a flat-bottomed pot on a glass-top stove instead of one designed for a gas stove.

Packing cucumbers into hot jars can be frustrating and uncomfortable.

The smell of pickling mix can flash one's memory back to Thanksgiving in your great-grandmother's dining room during the early '70s.

The random pings of canning lids sealing can make a pessimistic Wife all happy.

Ugly Gun Sunday

I like Chuck Norris, given that his politics fall along the same lines as mine. I enjoy his older movies (The Octagon.....pure cheese and martial arts), and his recent resurgence in popularity is nice to see. Unfortunately, his tribute revolver is rather......well, let's just say it's better suited to the Village People cowboy rather than a Texas Ranger. Gold makes a striking accent in moderation. When it's 75% of the surface area, it's as classy as Lindsay Lohan on a bender.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Getting Pickled

This year is the first time I've tried to grow anything other than various strains of refrigerator mold. One of the things that has gone well is the cucumbers; I have a 4x4 raised bed with a 6x6 mass of tangled vines growing in it (note to self, actually follow planting instructions next year). In the last four days I've probably taken out a dozen good-sized fruit, and there's a large number of smaller ones that should be ready to pick within the next week.

Given this, I'll be experimenting with canning tomorrow. Although I've purchased a pressure canner, I'll be starting the simpler water bath canner; less chance of making a explosive mistake my first time out. If it works, I'm probably going to have enough pickles to last me until next summer.......

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Freedom Rally Wrap Up: Best Of the Best (or Worst...)

Here's a round up of the generally odd and disturbing NSFW images of people with either poor judgement, inflated self-esteem, or an I-Don't-Care attitude, with a few other pics tossed in. As noted by a reader previously, where's all the good-looking nekkid wimmen? Well, a few things.....this year seemed to draw a hell of a lot of middle-aged fat me. Of those who chose to run around without clothes, they formed the majority (but not including me). So, the young and uninhibited must have been hurting for money this year, found something else to do, etc. Plus, when the wet t-shirt contests were occurring, there's a good chance I was "resting" from the previous night. I'm not as young as I used to be, so I need my naps between bouts of punishing my liver for its evilness. Next year, I'll hang out near the main drag to get some better pics; this year, I was mostly interested in my important study of how much beer can consumed without going to the hospital in one weekend. As The Wife knows, it's likely I've nearly got the number nailed down this year........

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Freedom Rally Day 2.1

Ah, lunch........

And then it's time for a short spin around the grounds to see what's up.....which included this:

And people riding up to the concert stage for in their evening casual wear:

Evening falls, and it's time to head to the beer barn..........

Crappy picture shot in a downpour in the dark coming soon............

Ugly Gun Sunday

I do believe my grandma had a shower mat in this pattern back in the '70s.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Things That Make One Smile..........

Spent some time being the aggressor for some hand-t0-hand techniques being taught during downtime at drill today. Said classes being taught by a small town cop who's also a member of the Organized Militia, I was happy to hear him tell the assembled young soldiers at the conclusion of class that knowing these techniques is good, but "an armed society is a polite society". There are still cops out there who know why they're needed, and don't resent the fact that many of us value our well-being when they're not immediately at hand.

Freedom Rally Day 2

I'm pretty sure you won't find any of these featured in any of the biker movies......

If Batman were a middle-aged biker........

The horror........found in the children's section books while browsing for cheap beer and munchies. Start that brainwashing early!

Ah, tradition. Who the hell came up with the idea pushing around a beer keg with a motorcycle?

Things are a little more crowded Friday...........

Stripper on a bike!

And back the other way..........

Don't like your neighbors? Simply throw your assembled tent on top of your bike trailer and go...